Daughter freaks out over school nudity

[Danee]

Daughter freaks out over school nudity My 12-year old daughter came home from school the other today and was clearly upset. She couldn't wait to talk to me about something. Sensing her anxiety, I casually asked, "What's up?" She said, "Somebody at school today said that when I go to Junior High next year, I'll have to change my clothes, shower, and be naked in front of my friends. Is that true?"
I raised at least one eyebrow and said, "I don't know. It used to be true," in a slightly disappointed tone of voice.
My daughter continued, "Well, I won't do it!"
"Why not?" I calmly asked.
"Because, unlike you, I don't like people seeing me naked!"
I thought to myself, Hmmm, she's noticed. I replied simply, "Why not?"
She said, "Because they'll make fun of me!"
"Why would they make fun of you and why would it matter if they did?" I asked.
"I don't like being made fun of. And I don't like to be seen naked," she said.
"Why is that?" I calmly asked again.
"Because I don't look like a supermodel!" she replied with animated hand gestures and with seeming frustration with my apparent lack of ability to be able to understand the point she was trying to get at.
"Well, none of us really do," I replied. At this point it was time to eat dinner, and the conversation ended, at least for the time being.
It's very sad to me that, despite whatever efforts I have tried to make, my daughter obviously feels some shame, or lack of measuring up to what she thinks would be other's expectations of her, associated with her own body. I did try very hard not to teach that. To this very day, she has yet to close a bathroom door while showering or taking a bath. And regardless of who in the family happens to walk into the bathroom, it seems to go largely ignored. Most of the time she doesn't even change clothes for her showers/baths in the bathroom, causing her to take the hallway trip in at most a towel. Not that many years ago, her mother was alarmed because she tended to roam the whole house nude around shower time, even when friends were visiting. How times change, and how quickly.
Where does this "teaching" come from? It surely is difficult to avoid. She is clearly aware that I don't hide from her, and probably assumes (correctly) I'm not bothered in a locker room, which she knows I visit daily. In fact, we've talked about that quite directly before, when I've taken her swimming at the same place. Too bad that unless I miss my guess, there will be an expectation of no nudity when she does get to Junior High, thus reinforcing the developing attitude. No doubt the unenlightened concept of absolute "modesty in dress" will follow.
I'm left to conclude that my own very intentional example of common nudity around the house is insufficient to prevent my children from acquiring society's commonplace "body shame."  I have been nude often in my own home, so much so that the other morning, as I was getting ready to leave for work, not having dressed yet, I was nude and my daughter seemed to not even notice. At least around bathtime and such, my children are also openly nude around the house. Yet the body shame has developed to a clearly unhealthy degree in my daughter, despite my efforts. The messages of the world have overwhelmed the message I have tried to teach by example. Those parents who think they are doing their children sufficient good by restricting the nudity their children experience to their home are deluding themselves.  No matter how attractive the safety and security of this limitation may seem, we are not making sufficient progress at inoculating our children against body shame. The messages from other sources are simply too powerful and too overwhelming. All one has to do is visit a public locker room these days and see if you can find anybody at all under the age of 40 who is simply and comfortably showering nude and changing their clothes. We have sold our hearts, minds, and souls to those who would pervert and make shameful the most incredible wonder and beauty found in every single human body ever created. ---Ben Miller, Salt Lake City, Utah

From: http://www.i-naked.info/index.php?id=3404182191204991229

[hemingway]

Disappointing, but not surprising.
This got me thinking: We get most of these image issues/body shame because print and tv media frequently assault us with what is "attractive", which they usually use to sell us shit. Do they want us all to increasingly hide our own bodies from each other so that we will become more excited about their sexy advertisements? As a primitive example - if the only place a young man is likely to see a nude woman is in a Playboy mag, I presume Playboy would do quite well.

I'm guilty of it too. One of the big department stores in Aus is bragging about how their underwear ads show "real women", including some larger models and varying shapes, which is good. But the ads still have a few typically attractive women too, and I'm ashamed to admit that that my eyes dart immediately to the slim brunette every time the ad plays 
The other funny thing about Target ads is that when they advertise mens undies, the models sport ripped six-packs and a rather perfectly formed bulge :) If they're true to their policy, they should really include a couple of balding, spotty middle aged men!

[Danee]

I understand what you are saying but on the other hand, youth + hotness = success with marketing.  I have never been insecure to the point of being shy about FKK/Naturism. 

I think what he is saying, is that getting them outdoors, into the real fkk world helps. 

As for the guys in briefs? Umm..no, keep them please!

 

[hemingway]

I'm wondering where kids (or teens maybe) get the shyness from though. Nudity was never shunned in my house but I still wouldn't have been comfortable at a nude beach with the family as a teen.  It wasn't in the school gym either, as I don't recall anyone being seriously teased in the showers other than a bit of banter - You were probably more likely to be teased for leaving your shorts on.

Then again I wasn't exposed to naturism as a kid either so maybe you're right.

[mattMTD]

It is a scary thing as I sometimes help out at a cub scout group and the age of people their is from 8-12 and even at that age you hear them talking about how fat people are and how they don't look like the guy from the adverts or magazine it is really scary at that age I didn't care about any of that stuff it was all about having fun.
But I think being involved with naturism from a young age can help some people but not all as I have seen people brought up as naturist reject it because of the pressures they get from their textile friends.

[bharat]

Very good point made by this author... Expanding nudism beyond our homes and participating in social nudist activities will help to counterbalance the pressure from textile world.
Naturist or not humans are still social animals...

[kobe.malta]

I must say...very good point. It s a real pity that kids nowadays are so ashamed of their body

[Rockingnature]

It s a real pity that kids nowadays are so ashamed of their body

Very true Kobe. seems that its becoming more of a crime to love your own body the natural way it is. Glad that there some of us that don't take that approach. So glad that there is a community that love the human body and are not afraid to show it, no matter its shape.   

[DarkDippy]

We get our impressions of self from so many different areas that it's really hard to pin down exactly what would be the cause of any young'un feeling self-conscious about her/his body.

Media is definitely to blame with their portrayal of the so-called perfect bodies - incidentally, I was having a conversation yesterday with an actress friend who did a nude piece at the insistence of her director and she commented on a line from a movie (can't remember the name) where one character tells a magazine editor, "I wish I looked like the women in your magazine." to which the editor responded, "Honey, even the women in the magazine don't look like that."

Parenting and peers and media all shape our ideas about ourselves and our bodies. But we also have our own thoughts and perceptions that form from seemingly insignificant events. Mommy and Daddy may be fine with their bodies but I have a mole on my left thigh and my penis isn't as long as it should be and my nipples look funny to me. I don't like the look of me so why would anybody else?
And these are the thoughts that could easily run through any child or teen's mind regardless of how supportive and encouraging his family has tried to be. There are too many variables. I once heard a about a guy who was severely embarrassed by his small penis which, it turned out, was a decent 7 or 8 inches. It's all perception of course but as kids, we don't always know that our perception may not be accurate and we may not even question those perceptions so elders don't know to "correct" them.

I went to an all boys boarding school and while I, even at that stage, enjoyed being naked, being naked among other boys who I didn't know was nerve racking. There were no judgements. Nobody even cared that I was naked. But I felt some sense of fear and embarrassment. All in my head and I can't even tell you today why I felt embarrass. I just did. This wasn't a norm that I was used to, I guess. My family isn't very nudist friendly.
And, on the other hand, I've mentioned in other posts, I've come across kids from nudist friendly families who, while fine with other people being naked around them, don't want to be naked themselves.

It's all a personal experience. There's no way we can create the perfect environment so that all offspring are comfortable with their bodies and with being naked among other people. We can just do the best we are able to. :-)