General Talk (primarily non-naturist) > Pitti's Book Club

I've started writing a book! Critique so far please!

(1/2) > >>

simonalexander2005:
The title is "Rediscovering Humanity", and it's a light sci-fi novel.

At the moment, it's about 30 A5 pages long.

any critical feedback would be greatly appreciated:

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0ATIBhU6I76WjZHp2ZzU4N18yaG5jbnBwZzk&hl=en (you may need to sign in to a google account, but you shouldn't have to, let me know if you have problems.)

Cheers guys (and gals)!

Simon

simonalexander2005:
*bump* nothing? I know it's long, but still...

Danee:
Ill read it this weekend, Simon!   :624

Dave:
I think the most interesting plotline there was the fate of the humans teleported to the other world, and I really think that that thread could have been expanded upon...though perhaps that is my own personal interest speaking and not a literary one.  Altogether, I liked it. 

Things I didn't like:

- The name of the ship "Mission Highly Improbable".  Yes, I know that is a reference, but it still felt really, really cheesy to me.  "Mission Impossible" might have been a better and more direct homage.
- The italicized intro.  It felt like a cop-out when, at the end of the first chapter, you know that he failed in convincing Sano to spare Earth.  For that matter, the fact that Earth had to be "destroyed" in the first place.  If all they were going to do was wipe out every living thing on the planet and then terraform the planet to be fairly close to what it started out as, one would think that it would be easier and considerably more humane to simple settle on a planet with the right orbital distance and right amount of landmass but no intelligent life. 

Things I did like:

- The rift.  The description is vague enough that it could be a number of things; it could be a spherical one, surrounding the Kha'lek homeworld, a spherical one surrounding another planet, star, or point, a barrier that stretches clean across space, or one of countless more possibilities.  In any case, it is fascinating.
- The creation of the Spacehawks.  You did a great job conveying the emotions an entity, previously confined to an unfulfilling life, experiencing the double joy of self-powered flight and the freedom to travel anywhere it wanted to (again, except for the rift).  When I read that section, I really wished that I could fly for a few moments.

Well, that's pretty much the extent of my critique for now.  Overall, I like the book so far, and I hope you keep writing it.

Nude_not_rude:
Just finished reading this. So far it seems like a great story with many threads to be tied together. I think it would be great if there was more detail as you went along. It seems a bit of an outline at the moment and would benefit greatly by a bit of colouring in. Describing the scenes more fully would flesh the story out more. Great ideas there though, I was fully engaged and really want to read what happens next.

Oh and I didn't need to sign in to a Google account. Great idea posting it that way.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page