Writing about being nude

[Natuur]

Hey all,

I have not posted for a while now. Been quite occupied with stuff and in November I started to write my autobiography. I was not planning in doing this :D.

For the storytelling night I have told my story about the first kiss. And via this I realised I really missed writing. So when a housemate of me was doing the November writing challenge (write 2000 words every day), I was like; let’s join.
So I made a framework about nature (management) and the body. And I started writing. Writing and more writing. Half way November I was like, let’s see what I have been writing about. Two stories where about nature and nature management. The rest where autobiographical.

Now I have got more then sixty pages about making more and more connection with myself. Making connection on all levels of myself, of my mind, of my body and who I am.
I write about my long-term relationship with depression and how afterwards I more and more begin to realise that I lost contact with myself and people around me.
I write about my crazy fun time in Australia and that my body was like; you will fall in love no matter what. I write about the mortality of mom, who was diagnosed and cured from skin cancer. And how this mortality made me fall in love.
And that at same time I still had a negative self-image, and could not believe that anyone would ever love me. I write about the actions and realisations that I had to slowly but certainly come closer to my feelings and also that I am a sexual being. And a man who is searching for intimacy. And not only searching, but really wanting to share intimacy.

So I am writing very open about my depression.
I am writing frank and without double-entendres about sex.
I have some trouble in phrasing the exact words of this grey area of love-lust and romantic intimate sexual attraction. (but that is more because of limitations of language in general)
I am writing how I found a way of just being myself. And one of the most prominent one is for me the nude beach. Here I take of all my barriers and become one with nature. One with myself. And I can just be.

The writing of my autobiographical story is for now mainly an exercise to get trough this rough spot. It is a healing exercise where I realise more and more, oh wait, this has happened. This and then that, wow fuck, that is some heavy shit. And wow, that is an awesome experience. Realising that although you feel like standing still, you actually are moving forward.

I am not (at least I am not trying) to think about publishing it. But I do wonder, why am I ok with the world knowing about my depression, about my burn-out, about stumbling in the dark when it comes to feelings and in particular to the feeling of love. Why am I even ok to talk about that I masturbate and tell about my sexual encounters.
 
I am wondering why I am (very) apprehensive about telling the world about the nude beach? And I do not mind telling them that I once went. (We all experiment in our life). But the mere fact that I like to enjoy myself in the nude (even when it is not a nude beach). It is hard to overcome that hurdle when thinking about publishing it.

So long story short. What are your thoughts about this? Why am I apprehensive to say out loud (publish) my story about the nude beach, nudity and the enjoyment of nudity?

Cheerio Natuur

P.s yes it has to do something with shame and not fitting in (with the norm). But is there more, that I am not seeing?

[Mettis]

@Natuur Hi,

Writing is a good therapy! It reflects our internal self, allows us to verbalize our feelings and objectify pain, suffering ... It's a difficult exercise that requires concentration and lucidity to understand our situation. This redaction makes it possible to have a certain distance to regain one's personality to better progress and improve one's relationship with oneself and others.

I really encourage you to continue in this way, I'm sure you will be much happier in your life! 

[Natuur]

Thank you so much @Mettis, for your kind words. (sorry that I didn't reply, thought I did already, ah well I am only human) You are hitting the nail right on his head. Thank you again!

[Mettis]

(...) ah well I am only human (...)

@Natuur
Sure, "Errare humanum est"