In which I spent a week at a nudist resort and lived to tell about it (a blog)

[Danee]

A super posi blog article..

From: http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/09/25/in-which-i-spent-a-week-at-a-nudist-resort-and-lived-to-tell-about-it/

There are stereotypical things that you always hear about nudist resorts and topless beaches. You know, things like:

    * Don’t worry, nobody is looking at you
    * Don’t worry, everybody else is fatter the you are
    * Don’t worry, there is nothing sexual about it
    * Don’t worry, it’s not that big of a deal
    * And be prepared, there will always be That One Guy

After spending five (sunny and glorious) days at the Costa Natura nudist resort (“where nudity is natural”) (seriously, it says that on their brochure) outside of Malaga, Spain I learned the following:

    * I never once felt like anyone was staring at me (or my naked child) inappropriately.
    * The King, Babboo, and I need to get out in the sun more. We are very white.
    * We were about 30 years younger then everybody there. (Think Arizona in the winter. Except naked.)
    * And we were about 80 pounds lighter then everyone else. (The statement that Americans are the fattest people in the world must be a rumor. Dude, the Germans and Brits on Holiday in Spain were way fatter then the Americans I know. I’m just saying.)
    * Apparently Europe loves the Brazilian wax. I didn’t see a single pube on any of the woman there. And they were all a bunch of old ladies. (Note to America: It’s time to embrace the Brazilian.)
    * There was nothing sexual going on.
    * Except for That One Guy we saw walking up and down the beach wearing a c*ck ring. We’re thinking he sneaked into the resort. Dude, he was creepy. (And not at all impressive. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.)

The two minutes it took to walk from our car and through the compound to our condo might have been the most surreal two minutes of my entire life. Here my little family was, weary from a day of travel from Germany to Spain, loaded down with our backpacks and fully clothed. And here was an entire resort, with a swimming pool, tennis courts, a restaurant and snack shop, a hot tub, badminton court, lawn bowling set up, play ground and lawn area all being fully utilized by a large number of elderly vacationing Brits and Germans.

Who were 100% sans clothing.

Let’s just say I saw more ball bags in those 2 minutes then every other minute of my life put together. (Which really isn’t saying much…but you catch my drift, right?)

It was hard to keep a straight face.

Picture, if you can, a very lovely restaurant situated next to a gorgeous swimming pool, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. The restaurant is surrounded by big picture windows. It is full of couples having a romantic dinner. They are laughing and enjoying themselves.

And now picture every single person sitting at the restaurant TOTALLY and COMPLETELY naked. (Except for the waiters, of course.)

Picture a group of elderly friends, gathered together for a quick game of lawn bowling. They are laughing and having a good time. It appears they are old friends who are vacationing together. They are holding wine glasses and taking drinks between their turns. Some of the husbands and wives have matching sandals. You can tell who belongs to whom.

And now picture every single one of these old people naked. playing lawn bowling.

Dude, it was ball bag central. And it made me laugh out loud. It was just so….not natural. Which is an odd feeling, since being naked is actually the most natural thing in the world. What is odd is that Babboo didn’t seem to even notice anything out of the ordinary. I’m not sure at what age children recognize that everyone at the grocery store, the restaurant and the park is fully clothed. Apparently it must happen after 29 months because my kid was oblivious to the nakedness.

We found our condo and put our bags down. This is the point that The King told me about the contract he had to sign when we checked in. You know, the one that promised that we would adhere to the rules and be completely naked for the next five days. And so we stripped down. I think The King and I both realized at this moment that there was nothing to do except to go for it. We had to. The sun was out and I was desperate to get down to the beach. I wasn’t about to spend the next five days hiding out in my condo because I was afraid of a complete stranger, who I would never ever see again, seeing my girly parts. Especially a stranger that was older then my grandma.

So yeah, The King got naked. I got naked. And Babboo got naked. (Although we were informed that children didn’t have to go naked, we figured Babboo might actually enjoy it more then The King and I would.) We covered our bodies with sunscreen and grabbed our towels.

We walked outside the front door of our condo and parts of my body that had NEVER SEEN THE SUN rejoiced in their new found freedom. Mostly I just tried to act like it was no big deal. I threw my shoulders back (since I didn’t have a bra on to help my boobies look better) and tried to find the most casual way to carry a towel and a book without looking like I was tying to cover up with my towel and book. I didn’t feel like anyone was looking at us. But if they were it was only because they were wondering why such a young family was there and why we were so pasty white. You see, every other person was the color of leather. I don’t think any of them had ever seen a bottle of sunscreen. Hell, they probably weren’t even as old as they looked. It was just all the sun damage.

(We did notice that when walking behind someone you could see that there was one part of their body what wasn’t tanned. It’s the little part between your butt cheeks and your legs. Yeah, all of them have one little white spot there. I guess there is no way to get the shine to shine there.)

The resort had its own beach access, which was guarded by a (clothed) employee of the resort. I guess he was there to make sure nobody broke through the compound walls. I found I felt like a tool being around someone fully clothed. I wish the employees would have been naked too. Especially the grounds keepers. They freaked me out with their clothes and their looking and their weed eaters.



Here Babboo takes a break from sun bathing [naked] to make his bed. He’s gotten very good and covering his important parts for the camera.)



There were a few other families there, but on average it was just mostly retired couples. I saw one family that had their teenage kids with them. They sat next to us one day on the beach. Just sitting there, like any family, eating some ice cream cones and splashing in the waves. Let me tell you something about Teenage Isabel; I would never have wanted to hang out with my parents naked. But these kids seemed just fine with it. I mean, can you imagine a teenage boy seeing his mom naked? Or a beach full of other naked woman?

That kid was either in Heaven or Hell. I’m not sure which one.

The next few days were spent the same way anyone would spend a vacation at the beach. We laid out in the sun and read books, when Babboo would let us. We took breaks to push him on the swing set. We ate lunch outside on our patio and took naps in the afternoon. In the evening, afraid to eat at the restaurant inside the gates, we put clothes out and ventured out into the town for dinner. It always felt weird to put clothes back on. Walking in and out of the resort fully dressed felt so wrong. It really just isn’t comfortable being the only person clothed. It’s liked being the idiot wearing jeans to a formal event when everyone else is in a gown….times a million.

There you have it. My basic final thoughts on the whole thing was that, yes, it was a little odd. But really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. And frankly, it’s a memory that I’ll always have. While some people can say they visited the Great Wall of China or they’ve eaten dog meat in Vietnam, I can say that I stayed at a nudist resort.


(It was dark and late at night. So I felt safe in bringing out the camera for a quick family picture…with out clothes on.)

So tell me, do you totally judge me harshly for this? Do you think I’m weird or a freak or some type of perv?

And honestly, would you ever do it? If you say no, you’d better tell me why. I’m totally curious. (And if you’ve already done it, I’m dying to hear all about it.)

[simonalexander2005]

Great to see an article where someone takes their kids with them too - it means a lot to parents, I think, if they see things like this from other parents

[prodigal_son]

That's a great blog. Its making me yearn for the summer sun!

[NaturalInNY]

Let me tell you something about Teenage Isabel; I would never have wanted to hang out with my parents naked. But these kids seemed just fine with it. I mean, can you imagine a teenage boy seeing his mom naked?

I saw that plenty as a teenage boy and never gave it a second thought. I always find it funny how people are more uncomfortable being seen and seeing their parents naked than they are with strangers. If you can't be comfortable with nudity with your parents, the ones that saw you naked before anyone, and probably the first people you saw nude, how can you be comfortable with it around strangers?